Sunday, July 30, 2006

Missing in Action

I'm sorry to be missing in action lately. I have been on a long vigil at the hospital. The vigil ended at 2:30 AM Saturday.

My biological father went into the hospital a couple of weeks ago for what seemed to be a serious, but routine operation. He ended up going into Intensive Care Thursday morning to be put onto a ventilator. From then on he was heavily sedated and on life support. The struggle ended early Saturday.

I had the painful task of talking to him Wednesday night to find out what he wanted for life support options and how long. According to his wishes, at 1:30 AM Saturday we asked the doctors to keep the ventilator going but stop the drugs that were keeping his heart beating. Despite having not been sedated for hours he was comatose. His poor body had already shut down hours earlier. An hour later his heart stopped.

Since he wasn't actually the one that raised me I had no obligations other than what a man feels internally. My birth mother needs the support and I am able to give it. I will help her through the coming times. Blood looks after blood despite circumstances. That's what a man does. It was extremely difficult to watch her as she watched her husband of 49 years die little by little in front of her. I couldn't help but be struck by the contrast between her situation and mine. Katie was beside me. She has declared herself to be a part of me and so had been with me the whole time. I held her on one side and my mother on the other. One woman would take a husband home and the other wouldn't.

I'm ok, although it has been a tough time for me in losing people in my life lately. The circumstances show so fittingly that life is a fleeting thing. Don't wait for some far off "someday" to start living. Celebrate life by riding if that's what you enjoy and have a passion for. Don't let anybody else dictate whether or not you ride for work or just fun. It's your life. Find what you love and enjoy it. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anybody.

The bad news for all of you is that I had plenty of time to think about what to write about in this blog pertaining to commuting and riding. I'll continue to share experiences while commuting. I'm more determined than ever to share the joy of riding. Celebrate life while we have it.

Miles and smiles,


Dick said...

having lost both of my parents now and recently losing my stepfather who I felt much closer to than my biological one I understand what you are saying. All I can do is offer my condolences and hope you come through OK. As Bronson would say "Hang in there"

The Snark said...

My condolences Dan.

Mad said...

I'm sorry for your loss Dan.

Steve Williams said...

Sorry for your losses Dan. With the help of family and friends you'll walk through this time.

You're a good man.


irondad said...

Thanks, all, for caring enough to leave a comment. We're getting through all right.


Gary said...

Sorry I didn't check in sooner. Things have been hectic. I can add little to the sentiments expressed here, except to say that I know exactly where you're coming from with the urge to celebrate life all the more passionately.

Be a rock for your Mom... as I know you will, but take some time out to grieve for yourself too.

It's a hard thing for guys like us to do, we think we don't need it. But all the best brains in psychiatry tell us different, right?

Ride well,