Saturday, December 20, 2008

Non motorcycle musings.

It's Saturday. Weirdly enough, I have other things on my mind besides riding. Although I think Elvira and I might be going out in the rain to do a little shopping soon. For those things you want to keep a surprise. Right now the thermometer is showing 36 degrees ( f ). There's moisture coming in from the West and a lot of cold air coming in from the East. When the two meet later today we're supposed to get snow followed by freezing rain. Oh well.

I've been a regular visitor to Rick's place. You may have heard of it. You can surf on over to
Keep the Rubber Side Down to check it out if you haven't already. Rick seems to find ways to take a different look at things. Once in a while he offers lists of things to think about. They may or may not apply to riding. It's always worth the trip, though.

In a fit of wanting to do something totally different than normal, I decided to emulate Rick. I've put together my own list. These things don't have anything to do with riding. However, there's still an undercurrent of safety involved. So the list fits into the general theme of my blog's philosophy. However tenuous that may be.

Without further ado, here's a list of things that you may find useful during the quickly approaching holidays.

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER. ( this one can also be used when Uncle Ernie or Cousin Ellie gets your blood boiling. For different reasons in each case, though, I suspect! )

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE. ( as you saw in the Redneck post, the duct tape can also be used on certain relatives, front or rear )

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM. ( this is why I don't have very many friends )

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM. ( for Christmas lights, explore on only one bulb in a non-prominent location first )

I'm sure you'll find plenty of opportunity to put these things to use in the next week or so. Here's some additional advice on dealing with visiting relatives. Specifically, a few days after Christmas when you wish the lot of them would just pack up and go home!

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Author's disclaimer: This last piece of wisdom is only a mental coping mechanism. Do not try this
at home or anywhere else with any person still breathing. The research for
this discovery was done by a professional pusher on a closed stairwell.


Miles and smiles,

Dan






6 comments:

fasthair said...

IronDad you've got number 9 wrong. If you can't fix it with a hammer you need a bigger hammer, is how it should read :)

Merry Christmas

fasthair

Scott Thigpen said...

Number 10. I do not need a 1000cc superbike.

Bryce said...

In Heaven, the cooks are French, the policemen are English, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and it's all organized by the Swiss.
But in Hell, the cooks are English, the policemen are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and it's all organized by the Italians.

Bryce said...

Too bad it is true that we grow old too soon, and wise too late.

irondad said...

Fasthair,
And you run a Mercedes repair shop?

Scott,
Number 11: There is no replacement for displacement!

Bryce,
As long as the Swiss are involved somehow. I'd miss those tiny marshmallows in hot chocolate!

Take care,

Dan

Rick said...

Thanks for the shout out, and the kind words! When I read #2 I was certainly glad I wasn't drinking anything because that made me LOL.