Monday, February 09, 2009

One more police bike.

Brrrrr! I'm pretty sure the mercury was over freezing. Yet, as I walked among the bikes, I felt a definite freeze. Quartering about like a dog picking up a scent, I tried to find its icy source. Back and forth, warmer and colder, I was narrowing it down. Finally, the process of elimination brought me to an unhappy conclusion. The source of the chill was a certain little Japanese beauty.

That's right. The vibes I was getting from Elvira weren't exactly going to be the prime ingredients in a morning Happy Meal. It was a strange feeling. Oh, I've lived an adventuresome life. Many's the time I've felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Many of those times I've been on a bike. What was weird was the fact I wasn't on a bike at all. I'm standing innocently getting ready to start another day of riding. What have I done to deserve all these negative waves?

Come to find out, it was what I didn't do.

They say Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Folks, I stand here before you to tell you that ain't nothin'! I'm telling you that no fire burns as hot as that which comes from an overlooked motorcycle. She gets plenty of attention. What this girl's after is public recognition. The look I was getting from Elvira burned out my eyeballs and formed ice daggers inside my chest. Both at the same time. Want to see what a really unhappy bike looks like? I'm warning you, be prepared. It's not pretty.

This was just before the flames shot out and burned me alive. My sleek, sexy, mistress was deeply offended. How could I talk about all those other models being used as police bikes and not mention the FJR? As long as we were on the subject, why didn't the FJR get top billing? The questions went on, beating on my head along with the fire from her eyes.

Once I managed to weakly pull my helmet on, I could finally think a little.

How do you win an argument like this? You guys know that when I say "win" I'm not always talking about coming out ahead right now. It's more like "how do I get out of this, save face as a man, and do the least long term damage down the road?"

My first thought was to do the typical "manly" thing. By golly, I bought her and I could just as easily sell her and get another one just like her. She'd better be doing what I wanted and be happy about it. Remember, that was my first thought, not what I actually said. Elvira and I both knew the power the bike has. Oh sure, a bike can be sold. It's what happens in the meantime that can hurt.

Picture a gentle cough and hiccup of the motor. Waaaay out in the boonies. Nobody around for miles. You've been on those kind of roads, haven't you? The bike knows she just has to bide her time. A rider like me will be back out there before too long. She knows I won't just leave her on the side of the road for the vultures to fight over. One way or the other, she'll get home. In the meantime, I'm the one who's going to pay. Let's try another tack, instead.

I could try reasoning. My post was about police bikes used by American law enforcement. No offense to Elvira, but there's not an American force using the FJR. Elvira's cousins are providing sterling service in other countries, but not here. She's just got to understand that. My bubble was popped because that isn't a totally true statement. The first FJR picture is being used by some American agency somewhere in the USA. Dang. I hate it when she's right.

So, in the spirit of "compromise" I'm putting some pictures of FJR police bikes around the world. The last picture is significant. It's a reminder that there's plenty of other girls on this globe. Both two-legged and two-wheeled. Are you listening, Elvira?

Miles and smiles,

Dan

P.S. Thanks to Dean for providing the links for these picture. They came from here. Click on the different country flags to see the rest of the photos.


9 comments:

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Sir:

Beautiful bikes... All of them. Can you tell me what country the last picture was from. I like their cops the best. I could be frisked for a week in that place.

Fondest regards,
Jack
Twisted Roads

Young Dai said...

Sorry to disappoint Jack, but the last bike belongs to the'Bloodrunner' charity in UK,just as I do funnily enough. It was a corporate donation from Yamaha around 2006/07 when they still have the money to spare, while the other eye-candy advertising an insurance broker's who were also major corporate supporter's that year.

Unfortunately my region does not run liveried bikes like these, we use our own wheels. The intention of the Charity is to provide a free to user,out of hour/last resort,blood collection and delivery service from the regional blood banks to the major hospitals between 7pm and 6am in our areas. We do not run with blue lights, so have to comply with traffic laws and speed restrictions. Although in any case, riders in the UK can filter(lane- split in American English), which in standing or slow speed traffic is a great time saver.

The members of have all taken advanced training from either Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, or the Institute of Advanced Motorists. I am a member of IAM.

In UK. Ireland and I suppose elsewhere in where IAM have branches this riding style is known as 'the system' and although it was initially developed for Police riders in the 'Thirties, it remains absolutely relevant for todays conditions.

An IAM or RoSPA pass is equivilent to the basic police skills standard, although without the further traffic law or super high speed training required for the Job.

irondad said...

Besides, which, Mr. Riepe, those gals have really rough hands. Which is why, as you can see, they don't need gloves on the bike.

Thanks for the extra information, Young Dai. Also a tip of my helmet for your efforts.

dave said...

well I have a soft spot for police cars and bikes - they always look "tougher" than civilian versions. The first picture just says 'try me, you're gonna lose' and I love it!

Bryce said...

Nice photo of the headlamps, you were the photographer?

Nice small machines, far too small even for me.

So do we name our machines after
females we knew or once knew or do we just simply consign their being to
a vague term of remembrance, with the internal note to one's self that they of themselves have feeling but we, beyond their sense of being have none.

David said...

Oh how I know that look, and you don't "win" those kind of arguments, the trick is to survive with all body parts intact. That goes for the bike and my wife! :)

I looked very seriously at the FJR rather than the V-Strom when I was shopping. The problem then (2004) was that the FJR was a special order only item and limited numbers were being brought to the US. The Strom also has more leg room. Hey, when you're old and fat that means a lot! ;) Besides, I'm comfortable on the thing and it's fast enough for me.

Very cool pictures though. Love the one of Elvira.

Dave T.

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Young Dai:

I felt a strong kinship with that last picture, as both of the ladies closely resemble my first and second former wives. I salute you for dedicating your time and expertise to such a worthy cause. It's too bad that all of the money in the world disappeared one night as the corporate sponsorships are going to be missed. It is to be hoped that they will return when the global economy improves in 10 or 15 years.

Thank you for the detailed explanation of your group.

Fondest regards,
Jack
Twisted Roads

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Mr. Irndad:

I am used to rough hands. My attorney had to pry two sets of them from my throat and other places.

Fondest regards,
Jack
Twisted Roads

SheRidesABeemer said...

Fire in her eyes...that was great.
Have you seen the Police bike group on Flickr. I wish I knew about police bikes 20 years ago...I'd been on a different career path!
http://www.flickr.com/groups/768886@N20/