Thursday, March 02, 2006

Reality Blurs....

It's been a tough week in the Enchanted Forest. Things have been backwards. The Damsel hath rescued the Knight in Aerostich armor. I had a high fever and pounding headache for most of three days. It does strange things to your mind. Brain cells have been fried. Needless to say, it's been an interesting experience. Ok, it's been downright weird!

Tuesday I stayed home from work. Katie went to work and left me on my own. I posted on the blog and it seemed to come out all right. That was in the morning. Tuesday afternoon things went down hill. The cumulative effects of the fever began to tell on me. Wednesday morning I stayed home again. Katie did not want to leave me. She called in to my office. At the same time she arranged for a sub to fill in for her at the school. I confidently sent out an e-mail to a list-serve. It is a leadership council of which I am the Chairperson. It goes out to about 20 people. Soon there were replies. Most of which basically said "What the heck are you talking about? I'm sorry, I just don't get it". What is the matter with these people?

It was not them, it was me. I think I will start a support group for people deranged by fever. I shall call it "Incoherence R Us". We will NOT do introductions. I have never understood that. Groups call themselves things like Alcoholics Anonymous or Addicted Motorcyclists Anonymous. ( wait, that sounds like the AMA ) So a group is called ( fill in the blank ) Anonymous. Why is it that the first thing they make you do is stand up and introduce yourself?

Anyway, I am wandering down a stray path. From this point reality blurs. I am piecing this together from my own limited memory and what Katie tells me. Katie's part may be a little blurry. It was hard to understand what she was saying while she was rolling on the floor laughing. All during the early morning the fever is getting even higher. Delirium is setting in.

Mid-morning she decides I need to go to the doctor. "No doctor" I say. I have been known to be a little obstinate about this. Interestingly, the last time I was in a medical facility was August 2004. It was strangely in similar circumstances. I had the same feeling of being in and out of reality. I will tell you about this one later since it involved commuting on the bike. Katie knows not to argue straight on with me. It annoys me and frustrates her. So she changed tactics. "How about Starbucks, then?". "Fine", I reply. She says she will call just make sure they have room. I vaguely hear a time mentioned. It didn't seem like we ever needed reservations at Starbucks before. Oh well.

A little time passes and Katie says it's time to go. I start to get in the driver's seat. Katie heads me off. "Why don't you let me deal with traffic while you relax in the back? Just stretch out and enjoy the ride". I'm thinking this is so thoughtful of her. I start to get in the back seat. Suddenly I'm overcome with the urge to turn and blow her a kiss. You know, for being so kind, and all. As I turn my head I see an evil grin on her face. Katie puts her hand on top of my head and pushes me into the backseat. "Watch your head, Sir!" she admonishes. Where have I heard that, before? Suddenly it dawns on me. Katie is trying to keep me away from her while she drives. I should have suspected. After all, how much room to stretch out and relax can there be in the back of her Kia? The seat backs are high and my access to the front seat is limited. The only thing missing is the acrylic partition and the doors that don't open from the inside.

I still have some control, though. As we move off I roll down the window. The cool breeze feels so good on my fevered face. Reality shifts and I am on a motorcyle. I have on a full face helmet with a tinted shield. It is like a helmet one of my students had. Multi-colored with one of those visors that change as you get closer. There are holographic evil-looking bloodshot eyes embedded inside the shield. I am wearing a pink tanktop and bright yellow knit shorts that come half way down my shins. Don't ask me where THAT came from. All I can say is that even in my delusions the "safety instructor" came through. I am the model of "Conspicuity".

We arrive at the doctor's office. Katie tells me I got of the car and took a look around. Drawing myself to full height I supposedly said ( quite haughtily, too, according to her ) "This is NOT Starbucks!". She said as long as we were here let's stop by. I realized I had been had. Things went fairly normally from there except for one incident. The sawbones thought there was something wrong other than the flu. He thinks there is a serious chemical imbalance. Sometimes these systems break down under heavy stress and excessive blogging. ( just kidding about the blogging part ) He wants blood samples. Then the sawbones wants to give me some shots. He says there are three he wants to give. I am back in blurred reality. My brain screams "Isn't that how they execute people?". Lately I have been on a rampage against the scum who is claiming it is cruel to be executed in California. Says he might feel some pain. His victim sure had no choice. The mention of three shots must have brought this back to mind. Fortunately Katie saw the wild look in my eyes. She gently kissed my cheek and I got my shots.

Doctors sure have good drugs. One of the shots was a sedative. I tried to pass out before we got home just for spite. Didn't work. Katie probably would have left me sleeping in that tiny back seat, anyway. The much needed nap happened. The headache faded to background noise. The other chemicals did something to my endorphins and brought the fever down. By Wednesday night I felt like my feet were planted on terra firma once more. I even commented on "The Baron". (Maybe I should read it to see if it makes sense) We are waiting for lab results. Sawbones thinks there is something wrong with the whatsit in my skull that controls body temperature and such. We'll see.

Went back to work today. I didn't dare ride the bike. Like I say the drugs are good! It's stormy and windy here. Big Red got pressed into duty. I'll have to see how I feel tomorrow. Like I say, an interesting week in the Enchanted Forest. Thanks to the Damsel who rescued the Knight in distress!

5 comments:

Mad said...

Wow Irondad, You really have been properly ill! I'm glad you are mending and I hope this thermostat in your head thing is easily fixed (You haven't been using Ducati parts have you? That's explain the knackered thermostat). Katie sounds amazing, I was laughing when I read about her cunning method of getting you to the doctor!

Steve Williams said...

Wait a minute. If they fix this whatsit in your head does that mean your writing will become boring and meaningless?

Sounds as if you were amusing *grin* to be around. Glad you are on the mend and you are taking your wife's good advice and guidance. She must be a patient woman and one who plans well to handle you!

Funny story.

steve

Anonymous said...

I feel soooo much better, today. Last night I was wound tighter than a drum. The good news was that I was wound up in a cheerful way! Katie found me amusing. She said it was like watching stand-up comics in fast forward mode!

Steve,
If I ever get boring and meaningless send some East Coast dudes to "hit me". I take your comment as something of a compliment as the opposite connotation is that my writing is "entertaining and meaningful". I'll take that. Thanks.

mad,
never, never, ever, buy parts from a guy who has the product strapped to the inside of a trench coat. No matter how good his Italian is!!

Dan

irondad said...

Don't know why that last comment came up as "anonymous". Fancy that, my own blog turning against me. Did it read my story last night?

Mad said...

Oh man we're just happy to have you posting anonymous or not!